Monday, 28 May 2012

Lack of focus

On Tuesday the sun came out. I live in Yorkshire so this is a rare, rare thing. A thing to be savoured and enjoyed. Appreciated. Of course it's hard to get the right balance between absorbing enough Vitamin D to stave off rickets for another year and not burning to a crisp within ten minutes like the old fashioned, non sparkly type of vampire (as Dracula knew when he popped into Whitby for some gothic jet jewellery and a portion of chips he was quite, quite safe in the famous Yorkshire coast sea fret). Unfortunately for me the second sunglasses became a necessity and not an eighties fashion statement my eye turned into something from a Halloween novelty counter.

Light hurt, I couldn't focus, read, look at a computer screen. I was in my own personal hell - and that was before I joined the three hour wait at the eye hospital for five minutes with a surly specialist and a prescription (I still don't know what's wrong; one doctor said torn cornea, another ulcer on my eye which may be the same thing, the third said infection. None looked like they cared although one lectured me on swimming in contact lenses which apparently is a Bad Thing. No matter that I a. hadn't been swimming and b. can't see without them which is, amazingly, why I wear them, Still, despite Lansley's best endeavours the NHS is still free so all it cost me was my suddenly disposable time.).
I couldn't go to work, I couldn't enjoy the sun, I couldn't write, I couldn't - brace yourselves - while away the day on Twitter. I suddenly had all this time and none of my usual time filling activities were available to me. Turns out I am very dependent on my fragile, useless, shortsighted eyes to keep me entertained.

It's been one of those months when life seems to be conspiring against me just as I attempt to start my revisions on Summer Fling. A week or so panicking, a false start and then, just as I was ready to go, a severe lack of time. And then an eye infection. And of course the longer I leave it the more doubts I have about my ability, whether I am totally kidding myself thinking I can do this. It doesn't help that I am waiting for my NWS report on Minty, the first chapter of which  entered into the Harlequin Fast Track. We were supposed to have heard back by the 18th May. Ten days later I am still waiting... I like to think they haven't finished laughing at it in the M&B staff room yet.

Paranoia aside at some point you have to pick up and carry on. I still don't have the use of my eye but at least it has returned to normal size, shape and colour. I am back at work, back online in limited periods, reading a bit. Writing? Not yet but 8yo has play dates half of this week and the good old Yorkshire weather is meant to be reverting to its usual sullen coolness so there's only (Only!) the French Open to distract me. Athough I found out today that 8yo has a day off on Friday and I have to return to the Eye Hospital for another fun two hour wait so getting back into routine is going to have wait a few more days.


Louise said...

Hope your eye gets better soon, sounds nasty. I'm struggling to find any writing time at the moment, combination of weather, teenagers' exams, housework, younger kids, lots of books I want to read ... it's all very frustrating! But I'll get there in the end, I'm taking one day at a time, and if I write it's a bonus.

lindsayjpryor said...

Nooo - I can't believe you still haven't heard back from the Fast-Track. I thought I might have missed something as I've not been on Twitter so much. Gee. Good luck with Minty - hopefully you'll hear something on that soon too. I feel your pain of frustration with your eyes - I've had six months now of a nasty neurological disorder which means so many days are hit and miss. There's nothing worse than desperately wanting to write and not being able to see in front of you. Hope it all gets sorted for you soon. Thanks for another great post. I was drawn in by the Dracula and Whitby reference (my favourite place), but no surprises there! Take care. Linds x

Xandra James said...

Well, I'm glad you're getting back to normal. Whatever normal is ;)

And I can't believe you still haven't heard back from the fasttrack!! xx

Charlotte Phillips said...

Glad to hear you're on the mend. Can't believe fasttrack haven't come back yet, but no news is good news xx

Rose Red said...

Thanks everyone, the eye is on the mend thank goodness, and with it my excuses for not getting on!